I really need to get away for a few days.  Just throw my phone into a lake and not turn on my computer for a week and just get away.  Maybe go camping for a few days or something.  This just isn't working right now.  I'm not excited about anything at all.  I see all my hopes and dreams slipping away from me and I could not care less.  I just want to get a better job and move out and finish school and get my tattoos.  Everything just seems so far away.  The worst part is knowing what you want and not being able to get it.  We can't do anything to change the past or present.  I'm not making sense anymore. 

ELLIOT  :'(

Oh so someone should visit me at work on Friday or Saturday.  I work til 4 thanks.
Halloween USA-7580 SW 117th Ave

And you keep whispering the same story to yourself "I'll be unhappy now because that'll make me happy later. Because that's how a story works." So your happiness will always happen later, never now. Life isn't a story. Life is chaos.

Let's all get back to normal.  Because normal for us is insanity for everyone else.

rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant rant

Okay I feel better now  (:

To change someone, you have to destroy who they used to be.  That's what makes it so much harder to change back.  Our experiences are what change us and since we can't erase our past, it makes it that much harder to be who we used to be.  We grew up.  We know better now.  Ignorance is bliss and life is what kills our joy.  I really wish we could all maintain our innocence without staying naive about the way the world works.  Best of both worlds.

It seems like all I do these days is work and watch Heroes.  I love that show.  It's just annoying how someone has to die like every single episode.  I'm finishing up Season 2 today and then I have to find a way to squeeze 25 episodes in the next week before the new season begins.  Work is nice.  I just need more hours.  A lot more hours.

I want to get my tattoo already.  Except I don't have an exact idea of what yet.  Or the money.  But I will be getting it in the next month.  And it shall be epic.  That is all.

It feels nice to write in this again.  It's kind of a nostalgic feeling to the days of being 16.  Back when I used to write in this every single day, sometimes 2 or 3 times in a day.  As if my life were ever that interesting.  Well I suppose it had it's interesting moments.  But I still prefer my other blogging tools.

Once said always said
I will hold the past over your head
I'll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted
I am hellbent on extracting all of my revenge
So take heart, sweetheart
Or I will take it from you

When you called me last night my heart skipped a beat and my stomach filled with butterflies and when you said hello I could barely keep myself from sighing out loud and when you told me about your day I laughed so hard I almost fell off my bed and when you told me you loved my laugh I smiled so much my cheeks hurt and when we said goodbye I missed you immediately and now there’s nothing I want to do more in the world right now than kiss you.

Makin a supa secret blog that nobody will ever be able to find mwahahahaha

BAI

"I want to be horribly covered in tattoos.  I want to be walking art that is both revered and criticized.  I want to have pictures and words and symbols and anything I can covering random spots on my body.  Opposing ideologies next to each other?  I would be delighted.  It would be a mess on my body because I myself am a mess.  And if I am going to be a car crash, I might as well be the most magnificent car crash the world has ever seen.  We are all beautiful in our own way, I just intend to be noticed."

I can be so poetic at 2 in the morning  -_-  lol

Quick summary since I haven't written in here in like two weeks.  Ummm heart shattered boo hoo all alone again.  My TV broke and I'm still waiting for it to get fixed.  LOST was epic, in my opinion at least.  Nobody wants to hire me at all.  If anyone wants to help me with that, I'd really appreciate it.  Blahblah too much to write and yet nothing at all.

I always seem to get myself into these messes.  Nothing ever comes as simple as it should.  HMPH bad ending anyone?

Okay now I remember why I don't write in here anymore, I'm kind of over it.  BAI!

Nobody uses this anymore.  I love you.

And all you could hear as she walked away was his weak voice whispering "I love you".  She didn't hear him of course, she wouldn't have cared anyways.  He tried to yell but he didn't have any energy left.  She left him there to die, and this was just what he intended to do.  I love you.  Have more useless words ever been uttered?  Has a stupider concept ever been thought up?

It seems the simplest advice is always the best.  "Just make the best out of it".  That was my epiphany moment, I'm so tired of all this.  I'm going to make the best out of things from now on.  I am going to be assertive and get whatever I want.  And I will be talking to Natasha a lot more because she gives wonderful advice and always makes me feel better even if she tells me something I don't want to hear.  After 11 my night took a turn for the better.  I love seeing people I haven't seen in a while.  I love spending time with my best friends.  I love driving around Miami going over 100 miles per hour while screaming along to Rise Against.  I loved last night.  But at the same time I really didn't.  Time to brainstorm.  Remind me to never believe anything that anyone says again.  Ever.

She came back.  He was still holding her keys.  She reached into his pocket as he was laying on the ground.  She took her keys and walked out again.  Probably for the last time ever.  He stood up as she reached the door and one more time "I love you".  Nothing.  He took that note out of the other pocket secretly wishing she had found it.  He threw it out and walked towards the door.  She was gone and so was he.  Hey you, I love you.


The crowd on the street walks slowly, don't mind the rain
Lovers hold hands to numb the pain,
Gripping tightly to something that they will never own
 

"Don't give up five minutes before the miracle."

Life is a fucking mess.  Hopefully my stress will all leave soon.  Unfortunately this is a bad entry.  I have a bad feeling.  I don't know how much more of this I can take.  Your fears are unwarranted.  Mine will be justified, although I hope not.  Time will tell.

I hate knowing everything.  Livejournal is dead.  Bye.

Only two more days of school for me.  I am oh so excited and I can't wait.  I'm gonna have to study all day Sunday if I want to pass my final on Monday.  I can commit to one day of studying though.  At least I hope so.  And then I have the whole summer off.  Hopefully I'm productive.

I know better than to expect too much out of you.  I'll just enjoy the next week or two until things go back to normal.  Things always go back to normal.  I can't keep this together anymore.  I've done what I can and this is where we are.  I just hope.

I think I expected too much out of you.  I hoped with everything I had that you wouldn't be like everyone else.  But all it was in the end was only hope.  You don't miss me at all and you've made that painfully clear.  It's a shame to lose such a good friend and one of my favorite people in the world.  We'll always have that proposal.

I want to take a chance.  I want to go out on a limb and put everything on the line.  But no such opportunity has arisen yet.  I'm sure when it does I'll be ready.  I'll just have to keep everything in order until it's time.

Hmmm.  I gave up on my book.  I'm a horrible writer.  No skills whatsoever.  Orlando this weekend?  It seems so.  The week of exes?  Lol yes indeed.  Oh I found out who left me that nasty truth, I should kill them but I won't.  And lots of zombie killing.  That is my life.  Goodbye.

All I do
is think of you
night and day
it's all I do

And if you could
please mend my heart
it's yours to keep
every single part


ROFLROFLROFL

It's sad to think I was nothing but a force a habit, but it's even sadder to think you're nothing but a grifter and a tash.  Tsk tsk.

These are the times when they don't leave you alone.  But of course everyone has done that.  The actions of our consequences become more and more clear over time.  We can never do more than what we are asked to do, more than we're expected.  There's a white room with no doors and the smallest of windows.  Deserted with nowhere to go, no one to turn to.

You may not have done what you said you weren't going to do, but you did something much worse.  I don't think you get it, nor will you ever.  If this is my ultimatum, then I have made my choice.  You may not have spoken the words but your actions speak oh so clearly.  So be it.  I will not fight this any longer, you'll see in time.

So on the bright side, nobody ever wants to hang out with me.  Everyone is busy or just doesn't like me or something comes up.  I understand that college life is stressful and busy, but when you tell me you can schedule me in two weeks later, yeah there's something wrong there.  I've made futile attempts to rekindle old friendships and start new ones.  I think I give up.  I will enjoy spending my days reading and I'll let people make plans with me.  Everything is so much simpler that way.

Drama is dramtic(duh).  I do not enjoy it.  I just like staying out of it.  And I take back what I say, other people's drama is not entertaining.  It's just annoying.  You get all the breaks, I really don't get it.  Time to destroy something else I would love to have.  This superiority complex or lack thereof is getting quite infuriating.

Two more weeks of school.  Let's do this.  Could I possibly get an A?  About time, srsly.

Text it plz.  kaybaiz.

I don't want to seek revenge on those I actually care about.  Revenge is reserved for those I want to destroy.  Spite is saved for Pokemon.  Lmao too lame.  I'm gonna play pokemon now I think.  Lalalala there goes my best friend.  Nothing new really.  Consequences for everything.  Everyone kept calling me creepy.  New York.  All caught up on my seasons.  I don't know.  Isolate me and bite my tongue.  I know exactly what happens next.  Prove.Me.Wrong.

I've noticed how every time something happens in my life such as a bad event or troubling time, I start a new journal.  I've been doing this for the past five years, whether it be a paper journal or an online one.  It's as if in the back of my mind I believe that erasing any record of that time will make it actually cease to have happened.  Of course I know it doesn't.  Maybe I do it so that I won't look back and be reminded.  I have a tendency to be transported to the past.  Today I saw something that almost made me crash.  Luckily I gained control but for that moment I was years in the past and I felt as defenseless as I did back then.  I came home and wrote about it in a journal that I will probably not be using in a year.  But I'm done making new ones.  I'm tired of fresh starts.  I get one last one left and I'm gonna make the best out of it.  Coney island, here we come.

Goodbye March, hello April.  I hate April now by the way.  Worst month ever.  Fo sho.  Off to my guilty pleasures now.  ;D

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you